What a Year!

  So, it's no surprise that it has been almost a year since I last posted anything. But, since things have slowed down briefly for me just a bit, I figured it's time to give an update on what's been going on. Last year both of my best friends got married, one in May and one in September. I love my friends, don't get me wrong, but that put quite the toll on the wallet being that I was in both weddings and had to travel for both weddings as well. The good thing is that I didn't have to pay for housing. But, I made it through and survived all the questioning of "when are you gonna get married." People, please just let me be. I mean really, as though I have some magic eight ball that I can shake and it gives me the date, time, and location of every major event that would happen in my life. Geez.
Anyway.
  In October I got the surprise of a lifetime. My brother informed me that he was expecting a child...and it was due in December! WHAT THE...!!! I won't get into the details of the situation but just know that my niece, Makayla Renae Hayes, came a little earlier than expected. She was born on November 7th and has no doubt stolen my heart. She was born with holes in her heart and other complications but she has since had surgery and is growing fast into a happy healthy little girl. She is the most gorgeous little thing on this earth...like really...no joke. But, then again, she is a Hayes, LOL! For New Year's I went to Florida and I could not stop shopping for her. I couldn't help myself! She will no doubt be spoiled by me, especially since this could possibly be the closest that I will get to having a kid. I'll just have to be the cool aunt who gets her whatever she wants. We've all had one of those. Hahaha!
  Now backtracking a bit, last year at about this time, I made a decision that put me on a path to pursuing my lifelong dream. I decided to go back to school and complete my prereq's to attend vet school. This was not a decision made on a whim, but truly was impressed upon me by the Lord through his Spirit that this what I was to do. I always know when the Lord wants me to do something because my initial response to the prompting is usually the opposite of the Lord's will for me. This was no different. I guess I'm kind of bull-headed that way. It's the Taurus in me, what can I say. Even though I have wanted to be a veterinarian since childhood, and initially took the steps to do so while in undergrad, I gave up on myself, lost faith (thanks to organic chemistry), and just took the easy road so that I could hurry and graduate from college. So, here I stood at 33 years old, and the Lord is telling me to move forward in pursuing my dreams. I rationaled all of the reasons why this is NOT a good idea (1. I'm 33, 2. I will accumulate a mound of student loan debt, 3. I will have to take organic chemistry AGAIN, the bain of my existence, 4. I'll be like 35 starting vet school should I get in and 39 getting out, 5. The job market for veterinarians is not very good right now, so I don't know if I'd even have a job upon graduating 6. At a time when I should be focusing on saving for retirement I will be taking out loans to survive. 7. I'd be leaving a stable job with benefits for student life, etc.) Needless to say, this decision to go to vet school doesn't appear to be a wise decision in my mind. Nevertheless, I am following the Lord.  I had a conversation with the Lord that if He wants me to do this, He would have to be there with me every step of the way to help me get through this because I could not do this on my own and I am completely trusting in Him. I made a promise to the Lord that no matter what, I would not study on Sundays. I would honor His Sabbath so as to keep myself worthy of His Spirit which I knew I would need to make it through school. I thus took the steps to get myself enrolled for the fall semester. My brain is not as young as it used to be so I knew that this would not be easy. I also knew that I would likely have to give up what I loved doing most...dancing.
  Well, as hard as I tried to hold on to being superwoman by doing it all...school, dancing (which included performing, practices, and trying to manage the group at the time), work (for which I had to adjust my schedule to accommodate classes), & church callings...I about drove myself insane. The stress and pressure of trying to do it all left me in a not so good place. I had to sacrifice dancing all together as well as drop one of my classes in order to regain some since of sanity in my life. I thankfully managed to go on and have a successful fall semester.
What I failed to mention about making this decision to go to vet school is that, because taking classes would effect my job, I needed to tell my boss about my decision. When I told him about it he was surprised but still very supportive. As mentioned above he allowed me to adjust my work schedule (coming in earlier and working later) to attend my classes. Not only him, but all of my UT team that I made aware of my decision have been very supportive and accommodating. I am very grateful for them. I did not tell everyone about what I was doing (not even all of my family knows) because everyone is not for you and I truly believe that the devil will put people in your path to try to pull you down. Plus, I was afraid that I would decide to change my mind about this whole thing, and I didn't want everyone knowing that I gave up...again. I know, I know, where is my faith.
  The winter break finally came and gave me time to catch my breath, reconnect with family and friends (school was my life) and get things in order for the Spring semester.
  The time for enrollment for Spring classes came and here I faced a challenge. I needed to take organic chemistry...again. Ahhhhh. Well, I go to enroll and what do I find...the class is offered at a horrible time of the day for me AND it's full! What am I to do? I need this class! I can't move on to the next class until I take this one. I really am hating organic more and more. Since the class is full I had to contact the professor to get a permit to enroll in the class. I did just that and thankfully I got the permit. When I go to register for the class I see that they have opened a second organic chemistry class at a later time that works perfectly for my schedule. I couldn't believe it. It was at that moment that I knew that the Lord was working this thing out for me. It helped to confirm to me that I was on the right path. There would be no changing my mind.
  Well, the semester starts. I made organic chemistry the only class that I would take for the spring so to be able to focus all of my energy and brainpower to this course. I made it a personal goal to not only pass this class but to make an A in this class. That sounds ridiculous because 1. its organic chemistry and 2. I had already taken it twice before making a D and a C. But, I once again had a conversation with the Lord that I would do my part and all that was in my power to study and stay worthy of His spirit if He could just make up the difference and help me reach my goal. Let me just say that I kept my promise and the Lord kept His. I ended up really enjoying organic chemistry...who would have thought. The class was so interesting and actually kind of fun for me. The class was not nearly as hard as I remembered it being...not that it was a piece of cake. I knew that the Lords hand was in this when I got my first test back and I had made an A. Was I the same person who looked at this class as the bain of her existence? No one can tell me that the Lord, through His Spirit, did not open my mind and understanding. Well, the end of the semester came and I had the priviledge of taking my final on my 34th birthday. What a birthday present. I'm here to tell you though that I got that A in organic chemistry! When I saw my final grade I shed tears because that "A" represented more that just a letter grade. That "A" represented my faith in the Lord and His blessings, it represented a renewed faith and belief in myself that I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me, it once again showed that I am on the right path...though scary and uncertain it may feel. I felt like David who had just conquered Goliath. It was this very class that had altered my future over 10 years ago and I allowed it to keep me from fulfilling my dreams. I had now overcome it.
  So, here I am on this journey to becoming what the Lord would have me to be. I don't worry about people telling me they gotta find me a husband or telling me that I'll never find one if I don't slow down or any of the other things that people feel it's OK to say to you when you are beyond a certain age and still single and/or without children. I wish people would open their eyes and realize that everone's life isn't cut from the same mold. I am my own unique person and my life isn't of any less value because of my single status. There is much that people don't know about my life...the trials that I have been through and continue to go through, the unspoken blessings, the personal revelation and guidance that I have received from the Lord. And quite frankly, these are sacred things to me that not everyone needs to or should know. All I know is that, I know that I am exactly where the Lord wants and needs me to be. He has proven it to me time and time again. And that is ALL that matters and ALL I need to be happy in this life. To everything there is a time and season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

Until next time
Peace & Love
Ernie

The Beast Within

Every once in a while something or someone comes along that makes you think. It breaks down one of the many walls that you have built within. Not so much to expose some vulnerability you have but rather to allow you to think deeper, to exercise your mind and think freely, beyond the superficiality of what that something or someone means.
I saw a movie last night titled "Beasts of the Southern Wild." This movie did just that for me. It takes you into the lives of a group of people living in the "Bathtub" bayou of Louisiana. They live in abject poverty in a way that no one reading this likely will ever understand (nor wish to). It's main characters are a 6 year old girl named Hushpuppy (the eyes through whom the story is told) and her father named Wink. As the film follows their relationship, how they and others of the "Bathtub" deal with the tragedy that befalls them, and their philosophies on life, you leave the theater evaluating your own, identifying your personal "aurochs".  These are my reflections shared in poetic prose.



The beasts stampede

Full speed ahead

Beneath their hooves

Unrelentlessly

Destroying the ground

That I've planted seeds

Cultivated

Massive in size and effect 

The herd

Went unheard

Unexpectedly approaching

Life. Love. Dance. Dreams

Hoofprints serve

As evidence of

Aurochs past presence

They now return

Fear. Pain. Dismay. Surrender.

Strength having escaped me

Weak, jaded

I lay with ear to the ground

I hear them now

The sound of thunder resonates

From the earth

I hear them now

I rise to my feet

The dust

Caused by the pounding of auroch hooves

Against the earth

Precedes them

Having been blown by the wind

Introducing their swift arrival

I stand

Anticipating the herd

Any moment now

Ready to go

Beasts to beast

By: Ernestine Hayes

The Dancing Old Lady

    As I am recovering from a stomach virus, I figure this is as good a time as any to update my blog since I'm home in bed. Thursday evening signs of having contracted a stomach virus started to show itself. I became so nauseated and from about 9:30 pm, every 45 minutes to an hour I had it coming out of one end or the other. Absolutely disgusting. I was miserable. I was so weak and fatigued mom was considering taking me to the ER because I was dehydrated but I said a prayer and tried to garner the strength to drink as much fluids as I could. I stayed in bed all day Friday. I don't think I've slept that much in my life. I think my dog felt bad for me too. She curled up in the bed next to me and stayed there all night Friday. I love my baby girl Keira! I thankfully feel better now but still am not 100%. I don't wish this on anyone.

No doubt the coolest dog on the planet

    Anyway, I have been pretty busy dancing with Hybrid and NuBreed. This month is full of performances and rehearsals so it was definitely bad timing for me to get sick.  Missing 2 practices makes a huge difference, especially for me since my brain isn't as young as those with whom I dance. Speaking of, I must share a couple of instances with the kids (as I like to call them). One evening I had a couple of the girls riding with me to a performance in AR. As we were talking she asked how old I was and once I told her I was 32 she was surprised I was "that old" and then went on to say that I could be friends with her mom. WOW! Really! Another time I had a car full of the kids one of them went on to say that she hopes that when she gets old she can still dance "you know, like, Ernestine". What?! She immediately started back pedaling. LOL! Both of these were 17 year old teenagers. Gotta love it. I'm glad to know that I am seen as the old lady that can still dance and be friends with their mothers. Hahaha. It could be worse.
 

Everything Fresh for 2012...Happy New Year!

Bringing in 2012 with HPG

Wrapping up 2011

   Oh boy, my life has been crazy busy. Ever since I returned to dancing, I feel like its been non-stop. Last month it was redoing the bathroom on top of dance rehearsals on top of ward missionary responsibilities on top of visiting teaching (which got severely neglected) on top of whatever unexpected occurrences could come my way. This month, I don't have the bathroom to redo, but there is double the dance rehearsals, scheduled dance performances, plus the other things previously mentioned added to the inconvenience of having a car wreck (with someone who didn't have insurance of course to cover my damages), and trying to get ready to go out of town for Christmas. I have been literally coming in from work, changing my clothes, and heading back out the door, getting home between 8:30 or 9pm, eating dinner, then going to bed to get up and do it all again the next day. My poor bedroom has been neglected...and all who know me knows I'm a bit of a neat freak. Laundry's been left in the baskets, but at least its clean. But all in all, life is good. Perfect...far from.

My poor little girl Onyx all battered and bruised...she's getting fixed though.
I am grateful that mom and I were OK.

    Though dancing is absolutely wearing me out, its exhilarating too. I don't think I've danced this much in my life. Not even when I was in college did I dance to this extent. Being the oldest person in the group that I dance with (Hybrid Production Group aka HPG), its been a challenge keeping up with these young folks (physically and mentally), but I'm hanging in there. And though I am exhausted a lot of the time from dancing, there is a joy that I can't get from doing anything else. Here's some of what we've been working on. These dances were performed Dec. 16 at the Out Loud Artistry Christmas party. The persons voice in the background (other than my mothers) is Robin Sanders (the one in front with the dreads in the first video), the artistic director of OLA, which includes HPG and New Breed (the group of younger dancers up to age 18). I absolutely had a blast performing again!

    So, that's my life as I wrap up 2011. There are still a few more thing planned before the end of the year. But, I will face them as they come. Have a very Merry Christmas and remember that the real reason for celebration is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

My Attempt at Home Improvements

  So, about 2 months before Thanksgiving, I decided to take on the task of redoing the guest bathroom in my parents home. Of course it started off as a small project. The wallpaper that had been painted over started to peel away from the wall in various places near the shower so I figured that I would just remove it and paint the walls. Wellllllll......that process turned out to be a bit more arduous than expected. As I began to remove the wallpaper, the top layer of the gypsum board tore away as well in quite a few places. I knew this couldn't be a good thing. Even in using wallpaper remover, this continued to happen. My initial thought was, "well, I will just redo the side of the bathroom with the shower." Welllllll....In the other part of the bathroom there was border paper that was peeling away and as that was being removed, results were the same as the other side. This led me to decide to remove all of the wallpaper instead of doing half of a job. I purchased one of those wallpaper scorers that's supposed to create little holes in the wallpaper that allow the remover to penetrate through and make the process simple and painless. Boooooo!!! Maybe if the wallpaper hadn't been painted over a couple of times that would have been the case. 

What did I get myself into?

 I took to doing much research as to how to fix my "little" problem and that's when I learned that I would have to become a spackling fool. First I had to buy special sealant that made the gypsum board nonporous where the brown paper was exposed. Little did I know that this project would become so expensive. Then I started my attempt to smooth out the walls. Oh boy!! I want to send a special shout out to Youtube and all of the other video posters that helped me to become the spackler that I am today. LOL!! I bought some joint compound that went on pink and dried white. This helped a lot.

Next came the messiest part of it all....the sanding.  I was warned about this so there was no surprise in the mess that was made.  I decided it was best to just buy a palm sander rather than use the one I borrowed from a co-worker...in case I burned the motor out or something. I was literally enshrouded in a cloud of dust.

 Next came the painting of the walls. I decided to do a faux finish on the wall by sponging it. Once again, thank you to online videos. Of course, being the OCD person that I sometimes am, I couldn't stop at the walls. A new light fixture and mirror had to be put in as well as new electric socket and light switch covers to make the job complete. So after many late nights of hard work, trips to Lowe's and Ace Hardware, and a nice whole in my pocket, the project was completed in the wee hours of Thanksgiving morning.

Yep, just call me Ernie "The Tool Woman" Hayes. LOL!!!

Waiting on the Lord

"I will wait...for you" by Janette...ikz

Girl......you better speak that word!!

Rhetorical question: Do you flirt with the ideology of "Can you just tell me how much I can get away with and still be saved?"