A Daddy's Girl

    

Ok, things are about to get really real right now. Yesterday, Dec. 6, marks the 24th anniversary of my father, Earnest Richard McCoy, dying. It was the evening of Dec. 7th, 1989 that my mom came into my bedroom and told me that my dad had been found dead the night before. He was shot by someone who robbed him while he was at the automotive shop that he owned. A mutual friend of his and my mom had come over the night before and told her. I remember feeling so hurt and such sadness as I had never felt before. My mom hugged me so tightly as I cried. I don't think I slept much that night, if at all. I remember wishing that I could go find whomever had done this and kill them the way that they had killed my father.  It's hard to handle such pain as a 10 year old. It's hard to handle such pain as an adult. My mom sent me to school the next day with a note explaining the situation. I recall the teacher taking me into the hall and asking me if I was OK. I wanted soo badly to burst into tears, but with a lump in my throat, I just said that I was OK and went back into the classroom.
     To this day, I miss my dad. My mom and dad were never married so I actually didn't see him a lot. But the time that I did have with him I always cherished. I was a daddy's girl. I loved him so much in spite of not seeing him often as I would have liked. My brother Richard was 5 when all of this happened and unfortunately he didn't get to develop a relationship with our dad. My mom had married our step-dad so this was the father figure he had. But just as I, my brother has never had a close relationship with him so anytime he had questions about our dad I tried to tell him what little I knew.
     Not including my brother Richard, my dad has 3 other children. I have an older brother named Bryan, an older sister named Felicia (they have the same mom), as well as a younger brother named Earnest. It's only with Bryan that I have ever had any kind of relationship with. After not being in touch with Bryan since I was about 13, I did some searching and finally located him last year and we have been in touch ever since. He had moved from Kansas City and now resides in Delaware.
     My brother Bryan has been my only link to our dad's side of the family, the McCoy's. My hope and prayer is that through him I can connect with them and get to know them. For the longest time I've desired a more holistic since of who I am. My whole life I've really only known my moms side of the family. To meet them would put me on the path to knowing more about who I am and where I come from. Some might ask, after all this time, why not just leave well enough alone? Why open that door? You might not like what's behind it. Well, good or bad, the McCoy family is part of who I am. And most importantly, it gets me closer to fulfilling my obligation to my ancestors to do their ordinance work.
    Those who took my dads life did't realize the eternal consequences of their actions. The chain that linked me to my dads family was broken, and it would be many years before that connection would be re-established. Children had lost their dad, a wife had lost her husband, and those McCoy's who came before would have their opportunity to receive the Gospel delayed.
   So now, at 34, I find myself attempting to build that bridge between myself and the McCoys. For those still living, it may be awkward but that's ok. I don't even know how many of them are aware of my brother and my existence, so to some it may be a surprise. But, for my own sense of self, its important that I do what I can to connect with my family.
    To all the daddy's girls, keep telling your dad's you love them. If you have a good father, show him you appreciate all that he does, for you never know when he may be gone. Love you DAD.

What a Year!

  So, it's no surprise that it has been almost a year since I last posted anything. But, since things have slowed down briefly for me just a bit, I figured it's time to give an update on what's been going on. Last year both of my best friends got married, one in May and one in September. I love my friends, don't get me wrong, but that put quite the toll on the wallet being that I was in both weddings and had to travel for both weddings as well. The good thing is that I didn't have to pay for housing. But, I made it through and survived all the questioning of "when are you gonna get married." People, please just let me be. I mean really, as though I have some magic eight ball that I can shake and it gives me the date, time, and location of every major event that would happen in my life. Geez.
Anyway.
  In October I got the surprise of a lifetime. My brother informed me that he was expecting a child...and it was due in December! WHAT THE...!!! I won't get into the details of the situation but just know that my niece, Makayla Renae Hayes, came a little earlier than expected. She was born on November 7th and has no doubt stolen my heart. She was born with holes in her heart and other complications but she has since had surgery and is growing fast into a happy healthy little girl. She is the most gorgeous little thing on this earth...like really...no joke. But, then again, she is a Hayes, LOL! For New Year's I went to Florida and I could not stop shopping for her. I couldn't help myself! She will no doubt be spoiled by me, especially since this could possibly be the closest that I will get to having a kid. I'll just have to be the cool aunt who gets her whatever she wants. We've all had one of those. Hahaha!
  Now backtracking a bit, last year at about this time, I made a decision that put me on a path to pursuing my lifelong dream. I decided to go back to school and complete my prereq's to attend vet school. This was not a decision made on a whim, but truly was impressed upon me by the Lord through his Spirit that this what I was to do. I always know when the Lord wants me to do something because my initial response to the prompting is usually the opposite of the Lord's will for me. This was no different. I guess I'm kind of bull-headed that way. It's the Taurus in me, what can I say. Even though I have wanted to be a veterinarian since childhood, and initially took the steps to do so while in undergrad, I gave up on myself, lost faith (thanks to organic chemistry), and just took the easy road so that I could hurry and graduate from college. So, here I stood at 33 years old, and the Lord is telling me to move forward in pursuing my dreams. I rationaled all of the reasons why this is NOT a good idea (1. I'm 33, 2. I will accumulate a mound of student loan debt, 3. I will have to take organic chemistry AGAIN, the bain of my existence, 4. I'll be like 35 starting vet school should I get in and 39 getting out, 5. The job market for veterinarians is not very good right now, so I don't know if I'd even have a job upon graduating 6. At a time when I should be focusing on saving for retirement I will be taking out loans to survive. 7. I'd be leaving a stable job with benefits for student life, etc.) Needless to say, this decision to go to vet school doesn't appear to be a wise decision in my mind. Nevertheless, I am following the Lord.  I had a conversation with the Lord that if He wants me to do this, He would have to be there with me every step of the way to help me get through this because I could not do this on my own and I am completely trusting in Him. I made a promise to the Lord that no matter what, I would not study on Sundays. I would honor His Sabbath so as to keep myself worthy of His Spirit which I knew I would need to make it through school. I thus took the steps to get myself enrolled for the fall semester. My brain is not as young as it used to be so I knew that this would not be easy. I also knew that I would likely have to give up what I loved doing most...dancing.
  Well, as hard as I tried to hold on to being superwoman by doing it all...school, dancing (which included performing, practices, and trying to manage the group at the time), work (for which I had to adjust my schedule to accommodate classes), & church callings...I about drove myself insane. The stress and pressure of trying to do it all left me in a not so good place. I had to sacrifice dancing all together as well as drop one of my classes in order to regain some since of sanity in my life. I thankfully managed to go on and have a successful fall semester.
What I failed to mention about making this decision to go to vet school is that, because taking classes would effect my job, I needed to tell my boss about my decision. When I told him about it he was surprised but still very supportive. As mentioned above he allowed me to adjust my work schedule (coming in earlier and working later) to attend my classes. Not only him, but all of my UT team that I made aware of my decision have been very supportive and accommodating. I am very grateful for them. I did not tell everyone about what I was doing (not even all of my family knows) because everyone is not for you and I truly believe that the devil will put people in your path to try to pull you down. Plus, I was afraid that I would decide to change my mind about this whole thing, and I didn't want everyone knowing that I gave up...again. I know, I know, where is my faith.
  The winter break finally came and gave me time to catch my breath, reconnect with family and friends (school was my life) and get things in order for the Spring semester.
  The time for enrollment for Spring classes came and here I faced a challenge. I needed to take organic chemistry...again. Ahhhhh. Well, I go to enroll and what do I find...the class is offered at a horrible time of the day for me AND it's full! What am I to do? I need this class! I can't move on to the next class until I take this one. I really am hating organic more and more. Since the class is full I had to contact the professor to get a permit to enroll in the class. I did just that and thankfully I got the permit. When I go to register for the class I see that they have opened a second organic chemistry class at a later time that works perfectly for my schedule. I couldn't believe it. It was at that moment that I knew that the Lord was working this thing out for me. It helped to confirm to me that I was on the right path. There would be no changing my mind.
  Well, the semester starts. I made organic chemistry the only class that I would take for the spring so to be able to focus all of my energy and brainpower to this course. I made it a personal goal to not only pass this class but to make an A in this class. That sounds ridiculous because 1. its organic chemistry and 2. I had already taken it twice before making a D and a C. But, I once again had a conversation with the Lord that I would do my part and all that was in my power to study and stay worthy of His spirit if He could just make up the difference and help me reach my goal. Let me just say that I kept my promise and the Lord kept His. I ended up really enjoying organic chemistry...who would have thought. The class was so interesting and actually kind of fun for me. The class was not nearly as hard as I remembered it being...not that it was a piece of cake. I knew that the Lords hand was in this when I got my first test back and I had made an A. Was I the same person who looked at this class as the bain of her existence? No one can tell me that the Lord, through His Spirit, did not open my mind and understanding. Well, the end of the semester came and I had the priviledge of taking my final on my 34th birthday. What a birthday present. I'm here to tell you though that I got that A in organic chemistry! When I saw my final grade I shed tears because that "A" represented more that just a letter grade. That "A" represented my faith in the Lord and His blessings, it represented a renewed faith and belief in myself that I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me, it once again showed that I am on the right path...though scary and uncertain it may feel. I felt like David who had just conquered Goliath. It was this very class that had altered my future over 10 years ago and I allowed it to keep me from fulfilling my dreams. I had now overcome it.
  So, here I am on this journey to becoming what the Lord would have me to be. I don't worry about people telling me they gotta find me a husband or telling me that I'll never find one if I don't slow down or any of the other things that people feel it's OK to say to you when you are beyond a certain age and still single and/or without children. I wish people would open their eyes and realize that everone's life isn't cut from the same mold. I am my own unique person and my life isn't of any less value because of my single status. There is much that people don't know about my life...the trials that I have been through and continue to go through, the unspoken blessings, the personal revelation and guidance that I have received from the Lord. And quite frankly, these are sacred things to me that not everyone needs to or should know. All I know is that, I know that I am exactly where the Lord wants and needs me to be. He has proven it to me time and time again. And that is ALL that matters and ALL I need to be happy in this life. To everything there is a time and season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

Until next time
Peace & Love
Ernie