Wrapping up 2011

   Oh boy, my life has been crazy busy. Ever since I returned to dancing, I feel like its been non-stop. Last month it was redoing the bathroom on top of dance rehearsals on top of ward missionary responsibilities on top of visiting teaching (which got severely neglected) on top of whatever unexpected occurrences could come my way. This month, I don't have the bathroom to redo, but there is double the dance rehearsals, scheduled dance performances, plus the other things previously mentioned added to the inconvenience of having a car wreck (with someone who didn't have insurance of course to cover my damages), and trying to get ready to go out of town for Christmas. I have been literally coming in from work, changing my clothes, and heading back out the door, getting home between 8:30 or 9pm, eating dinner, then going to bed to get up and do it all again the next day. My poor bedroom has been neglected...and all who know me knows I'm a bit of a neat freak. Laundry's been left in the baskets, but at least its clean. But all in all, life is good. Perfect...far from.

My poor little girl Onyx all battered and bruised...she's getting fixed though.
I am grateful that mom and I were OK.

    Though dancing is absolutely wearing me out, its exhilarating too. I don't think I've danced this much in my life. Not even when I was in college did I dance to this extent. Being the oldest person in the group that I dance with (Hybrid Production Group aka HPG), its been a challenge keeping up with these young folks (physically and mentally), but I'm hanging in there. And though I am exhausted a lot of the time from dancing, there is a joy that I can't get from doing anything else. Here's some of what we've been working on. These dances were performed Dec. 16 at the Out Loud Artistry Christmas party. The persons voice in the background (other than my mothers) is Robin Sanders (the one in front with the dreads in the first video), the artistic director of OLA, which includes HPG and New Breed (the group of younger dancers up to age 18). I absolutely had a blast performing again!

    So, that's my life as I wrap up 2011. There are still a few more thing planned before the end of the year. But, I will face them as they come. Have a very Merry Christmas and remember that the real reason for celebration is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

My Attempt at Home Improvements

  So, about 2 months before Thanksgiving, I decided to take on the task of redoing the guest bathroom in my parents home. Of course it started off as a small project. The wallpaper that had been painted over started to peel away from the wall in various places near the shower so I figured that I would just remove it and paint the walls. Wellllllll......that process turned out to be a bit more arduous than expected. As I began to remove the wallpaper, the top layer of the gypsum board tore away as well in quite a few places. I knew this couldn't be a good thing. Even in using wallpaper remover, this continued to happen. My initial thought was, "well, I will just redo the side of the bathroom with the shower." Welllllll....In the other part of the bathroom there was border paper that was peeling away and as that was being removed, results were the same as the other side. This led me to decide to remove all of the wallpaper instead of doing half of a job. I purchased one of those wallpaper scorers that's supposed to create little holes in the wallpaper that allow the remover to penetrate through and make the process simple and painless. Boooooo!!! Maybe if the wallpaper hadn't been painted over a couple of times that would have been the case. 

What did I get myself into?

 I took to doing much research as to how to fix my "little" problem and that's when I learned that I would have to become a spackling fool. First I had to buy special sealant that made the gypsum board nonporous where the brown paper was exposed. Little did I know that this project would become so expensive. Then I started my attempt to smooth out the walls. Oh boy!! I want to send a special shout out to Youtube and all of the other video posters that helped me to become the spackler that I am today. LOL!! I bought some joint compound that went on pink and dried white. This helped a lot.

Next came the messiest part of it all....the sanding.  I was warned about this so there was no surprise in the mess that was made.  I decided it was best to just buy a palm sander rather than use the one I borrowed from a co-worker...in case I burned the motor out or something. I was literally enshrouded in a cloud of dust.

 Next came the painting of the walls. I decided to do a faux finish on the wall by sponging it. Once again, thank you to online videos. Of course, being the OCD person that I sometimes am, I couldn't stop at the walls. A new light fixture and mirror had to be put in as well as new electric socket and light switch covers to make the job complete. So after many late nights of hard work, trips to Lowe's and Ace Hardware, and a nice whole in my pocket, the project was completed in the wee hours of Thanksgiving morning.

Yep, just call me Ernie "The Tool Woman" Hayes. LOL!!!

Waiting on the Lord

"I will wait...for you" by Janette...ikz

Girl......you better speak that word!!

Rhetorical question: Do you flirt with the ideology of "Can you just tell me how much I can get away with and still be saved?"

Oh...gotta love being a black Mormon

This blog post says it all. Click on the link below image.

http://www.sistasinzion.com/2011/04/diary-of-mad-black-mormon.html

So, between last night and today, I've had a few moments of insight. It's things that I already know, but, have been reminded or made more conscious of. Here we go:

1. So, why is it that when you resolve to do better, be better, try harder in certain areas of your life, that's when the challenges come in abundance. It's only been a few days since I decided to take on this challenge to change and be more cognizant of what I say and what I do, and how that effects things around me. Oh boy, let me tell ya, I think the master of all evil read my post and said, "Oh really. You want to try to be better, huh? Well let me show you how weak you really are." At that point I think he released all of his little minions and instructed them to jump on my back. It's not easy shaking those little devils off, and I know they are going to keep on working to have a hold on me, just as hard, if not harder as I am working to fend them off. The fact that this is the case lets me know that I am doing something right. The revolution continues.

2. It is said that the Lord speaks to us through the scriptures. I know this to be a true principle as I have experienced this many times in my life. Last night I opened the scriptures, letting them fall where they may, and the scripture that layed before me was Galatians chapter 6. There were many things said in that chapter that related to me and my current mindset. The verse that truly brought it home to me was verse 9: And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. There are so many times that I am so exhausted and I truly do feel like I could faint, and the Lord know this. I have to thank Him for placing this scripture before me, giving me the strength to press forward and continue on, and the wisdom to realize that the due season for me to reap, may not be in this life, but in the eternities.

 3. The other couple of thoughts came from relief society today. The topic was priesthood power, and the reference was from a talk, of the same title, given by President Monson during the priesthood session of April general conference. Part of the discussion was about how we live in an "almost anything goes" society. So the question was posed to us of what areas in our life can (or does) anything go? We have become so lenient in our morals as a society that we allow little things to slip by. This is an all inclusive WE. I won't go into any details about what areas I reflected upon for myself that needs to be adjusted, but just know that I do recognize that there are areas that need change. Another rung on my personal revolution ladder.
     The other comment given was how society does not give men the praise and respect that they deserve or need to help them to be men. In the home, are they truly being respected by their wives, or are they just looked upon as the person to go out, make the money, and bring it home? Is their counsel truly considered and taken or does the wife just feel that she knows best and knows how to make decisions that get and keep the home functioning smoothly,thus, not needing his help in doing this? In todays world, men are so often belittled, and thought of as a hinderance to womens progression and advancement in the world. They are told that they are not needed, thus they don't step up to the plate and take their proper place in the home or society and as a result does not reach their full potential. I believe that because the lack of respect for men has gone on for so long, they have lost respect for women. Just click on the TV for a second or turn on the radio...you will get my drift. When you have no feeling of  self worth, you have no respect for yourself, thus, how can you give something that you don't have. Women need to help men to see that they do matter, they are needed, and that we do need them. Now don't get me wrong, they need us too. We are to be equal partners with them and work as a team (as one of the sisters put it today).
     I sometimes question myself as to, if I should get married, will I be able to give my husband the full respect that he deserves? Being single for 32 years, set in my ways, and having a mother who is all about taking care of things yourself  (if it is in your power) and not waiting on someone (particularly a man) to do things for you, I have tackled many challenges and handled many things on my own...some things that might be labeled a man's job. So it would definitely take some adjusting for me to relinquish some of my will and to compromise. It is at these moments of thought that I say to myself that I am not ready for the marriage thing because I want things my way way too much. LOL!

4. Lastly, I was reading a friends blog and she mentioned the scripture in The Book of Mormon from the book of Ether. The particular chapter and verse is Ether 12:27: And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. As I have commited myself to work towards change, metamorphosis as mentioned before, my weaknesses have most definitely been laid out before me...and I feel like magnified as well. As I continue to fight this revolutionary war for self improvement, I pray that I will be humble enough to know that I can't fight this battle and make these changes on my own. The Lord has promised to help. Until next time. Peace and Love.

7 years and some change...

   Today, November 3, 2011, marks another year for my return home from my mission. I read the blog post I wrote a couple of years ago on this same day, and pretty much, not much has changed with me. That can't be a good thing. Tonight, I looked through my pictures from my mission and smiled and laughed at the memories that came flooding back into my mind as I was reminded of people, places, and experiences that were had. As we were united in our service to the Lord on Temple Square, I believe that forever bonds were made between us Sisters and senior couples. There is also a spiritual bond with the grounds of Temple Square itself. What a sacred place it is. I was able to visit SLC with mom during General Conference last month. As I spoke with the Sisters, I saw myself in them. That was me 7 years ago. Seeking, teaching, and fellowshipping with those who came to the Square. Testifying with boldness of what I knew to be true. Inviting others to come unto Christ or to share the Gospel with those they knew so that they might come unto Christ. So what about now?
   Now, these days, I am finding myself being reflective of times passed...my adolescent and teenage years, my college days, my mission. My experiences during these times in my life molded me into who I am today...though that may not be saying much, LOL! There is happiness and joy to be found in remembrances of the past. But, fo' real tho', its time to make new memories. It's time to crack that mold of the past and to take on a new better form. In spirit, thought, word, and deed, its time to put on the mantle of greatness that the Lord has prepared for me from the beginning. And by the way, we, as children of God, have divinity within us. We ALL are meant for greatness! I don't know the answers as to how I am going to do this, but I will start one small step at a time making changes in my life. I will become more conscious of my spirit, thoughts, words, and deeds and make efforts to have a positive effect on those around me and emit positive energy into the universe. There is enough negativity going around, I don't need to add to that bucket. I will ask "what reaction might my action produce?"
    I will admit, I have lost a bit of that spiritual fire and awareness I gained on my mission, but I hope to rekindle the fire and put myself in a place where the Lord can use and depend on me...where He can fully TRUST me. It's time for a revolution, it's time for a change. Metamorphosis begin!

The Artist in Me

  As I visited with friends, I was reminded in my mind how as a child and young teenager, I was very much into art. Trips to the art museums were my favorite field trips. My absolute favorite time in elementary school was when we had art class. It was always important for me to make whatever we were creating look EXACTLY like the one the art teacher had as an example. My circles had to be perfectly round, edges cut neatly and straight, everything had to be proportional and centered correctly. And my absolute pet peeve...yes, I had one as an adolescent...was excess glue. I could not stand, or understand, when other students would put so much Elmers glue on their small cut out piece of construction paper (e.g. a circle for an eyeball or something like that) and then have the glue oozing from beneath it. Could they not see, or understand, that they only needed a small drop of glue which you could then spread thinly on the back of that piece and place it. And they didn't even have to use their fingers to spread the glue, a simple scrap piece of construction paper worked perfectly for that job, thus leaving your hands and fingers clean so as to not  mess up your beautiful piece of artwork with nasty glue fingers. That's right, I did think about these things as a child. These were the early signs of my OCDism. Those who know me should understand. I digress.
   Now on to junior high. I would draw draw draw. I would spend hours upon hours in my room sketching. Mom worked at a place where she could get free spiral bound paper and she would bring some home to me because I would draw in them like crazy. I would even create huge poster sized drawing of my favorite musical artist and put them on my bedroom wall. They didn't make them as large I wanted them in the Right On or Black Beat magazines (remember those?), so I would make them myself. Times weren't always easy for me growing up so this was very much an escape for me.  
Many times I couldn't go to bed if I was "in the zone." I had to...once again...get whatever I was sketching perfectly right before my mind could rest with ease.  As I honed my talent, I was the go to person in my family whenever anything was needed artistic wise. Even at my junior high school, there was me and one other kid whom would get asked to draw things for school events. Sometimes I would just draw things for my friends as gifts. These reflections moved me to pull out some of my old sketches from when I was a kid. Check these out from the 90's:

This was a little character I liked to draw

Practicing my tagging

Drawing from a picture I had seen probably in a magazine

Drawing of one of the members of one of my favorite groups growing up.
I wasn't good at drawing faces on a small scale so I just didn't draw it.

Another drawing from a picture in a magazine. Decided to work on
drawing facial features.

Sketch of a dancer in plie.

Don't judge!! LOL!!

  It was also during my junior high years that I began to have a greater love for the art of music and dance. I played trombone for my 7th and 8th grade year and fell in love with it. I recall how I used to put on my headphones and not just listen to the lyrics of songs, but to the music in the background...the violins, the saxophones, the bass, etc., and how my heart would swell from the beauty of the sound resonating in my ear. My instrument playing didn't make it past 8th grade until recently. I now, as an adult, am playing the guitar. I am reminded, each time I play, just how much music meant to me in my younger days. I'm also reminded of how much easier it would have been learning music as a kid.
   As for dance, that's where most of my artistic passion landed. My mom had me in tap when I was a very little girl. Didn't last long unfortunately. I remember my black patton leather tap shoes were carried in a small red Dominoes Pizza duffle bag. When I stopped going to tap class, I remember periodically grabbing that bag and looking at the tap shoes wanting so much to put them on again. I did this for many many years as a child. The red bag and too small tap shoes eventually went away, but still, I loved dance. In the summer of my 7th grade year, I had the spectacular opportunity to participate in a dance camp provided by the Alvin Ailey Amercan Dance Theater, one  of the greatest dance companies on the earth. It was there that my affection for dance was sealed and I knew it would always be a part of my life no matter what. The ability to create and communicate through movement astounded me. Beautiful danceing would, and still does, absolutely bring me to tears. For me, its ethereal. I wasn't, and still am not, always good at expressing myself verbally, so dancing gave me another outlet to do that. There is something about the art of dance that puts me in a complete different head space. Sometimes blood, sweat, and tears are literally left on the stage. There is nothing like.
  So why did God  give me such a love for the arts? I don't know. I have sometimes found myself torn between which artistic skill I should focus on. But each artistic venture has enriched and continues to enrich my life in ways that nothing else can. There is a spiritual connection during the creative process when it is used for good. I thank the Lord for these gifts, because gifts they truly are.
Peace